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Monday Morning QB
By Christopher Kay
Monday, September 4th 2006
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It’s the Monday before the new season of the NFL begins, and that means it’s time for meaningless predictions. Well, that’s what normal football writers always write. I’m confident in my picks. They aren’t meaningless whatsoever. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve come pretty close to predicting every division and the playoffs to a ‘T’. Why am I so sure of this? Well, I’ve been away all summer on a vacation in Europe meditating about the upcoming season in the waters of Mediterranean beaches, high in the Swiss Alps touching the clouds and in my home village of Plakoti in northern Greece among other thought provoking places. All that thinking is what has allowed me to bring to you, the faithful and trusting reader, the best damn predictions ever*.
Now I’ll get to defending my predictions right away, knowing that a very few of you faithless ones might not totally agree with everything I’ve predicted. Maybe it’s best you have a look at my predictions in the Special Reports section before you read on…
The Dolphins will win the AFC East because Culpepper will be a huge difference. He’ll easily bounce back from his injury and put up huge numbers. Let’s remember that the big problem the Dolphins have had in recent years was their horrible QB situation. The Patriots will falter because they keep losing players and haven’t really been replacing them. The Bills will surprise with Jauron instantly being smarter than Mularkey by saying he’s going to use McGahee the way he’s supposed to be used, maximizing his speed and vision. Mularkey tried to turn him into a pounding RB which was one of the dumbest moves of last year.
Carson Palmer will brush off the mental affects of his injury and guide the Bengals to the division title. The Steelers will come back to reality after a surprising season last year and a referee-aided Superbowl title. Unless of course the same Superbowl referees call every one of their games this season. The Browns will do OK as Charlie Frye is in year two of becoming a great QB, especially with the help of the young weapons he has at TE and WR.
The Colts will roll up the wins as usual, but this time they should be mentally tougher after the disappointment of the playoff loss last year and should finally make it to the Superbowl. The Jaguars are playing a tougher schedule than the joke schedule they played last year and will pay for it accordingly.
Philip Rivers finds himself in a great situation for a young QB after having learned for a couple of years behind Drew Brees and having the weapons of Antonio Gates and Ladainian Tomlinson to help him take the Chargers to the playoffs. The Chiefs’ O-Line is aging rapidly and although Larry Johnson should have a good season, it won’t be the crazy 2000+ yards his deluded mind thinks he’s going to get.
The Eagles will bounce back to win the division, catching every other sports writer off-guard. They forget that the only reason they were bad last year was because of McNabb’s injury and the enormous distraction that Terrell Owens provided. As for the Cowboys, they won’t be the great team as publicized. Owens is too much of a distraction. Not necessarily because he’ll do something, but the anticipation that he’ll do something can be just as bad, as has been shown in the preseason so far. As is the usual case with a competitive division, the teams tend to beat each other up leaving them all with decent records. No one in the NFC East will be great, no one will be horrible. This being said, I don’t think the Redskins have a great team, they always sign big name stars that don’t result in more wins every season, and this one won’t be any different. Eli Manning still can’t win games for the Giants and isn’t a good QB yet.
The Bears have a great defense once again, and no one in the NFC North comes close to them. The Vikings would be contending with the Bears if they kept Culpepper, but with Brad Johnson, they can’t be a great team. The biggest difference will be new head coach Brad Childress. Mike Tice was a horrible coach, and Childress should instantly improve the Vikings.
The Panthers will keep on winning like last season and challenge for a spot in the Superbowl. John Fox is too good a coach for anything else. Michael Vick has been practicing all off season throwing the ball in hopes of disproving many of his detractors that say he can’t win with his arm. Teams will stack up against the run again this year, daring Vick to beat them with his arm… and he won’t, once again and he’ll whine about how no one respects him as a QB… again.
The Seahawks will roll all the way to the Superbowl with a little more experience and the scary new arrival of Julian Peterson on defense. Only injuries can derail their Superbowl season… oh yeah, and more incompetent referees like the last ones who gave the Superbowl to the Steelers. The Cardinals will improve, but they’re still a few years away, once Matt Leinart can learn the intricacies of an NFL offense.
Mail Bag
Since I’ve been gone all summer on vacation in Europe, any emails I received in the off season have now become irrelevant. But feel free to send new emails my way again! I’ll be more than happy to answer some in next week’s column!
Offensive Player of the Week: There’s no such thing in preseason.
Defensive Player of the Week: There’s no such thing in preseason.
Special Teams Player of the Week: There’s no such thing in preseason.
Joe Theismann Award of the Week: I’m not looking forward to Joe and his new team, even though I’m a big fan of Tony on PTI.
Pet Peeve of the Week: The preseason.
Top Ten:
1. Seattle Seahawks
2. Indianapolis Colts
3. Denver Broncos
4. Miami Dolphins
5. Chicago Bears
6. Carolina Panthers
7. Cincinnati Bengals
8. San Diego Chargers
9. Philadelphia Eagles
10. Dallas Cowboys
*The truth is I was relaxing and getting cultured in Europe and didn’t think much about football for the first summer since I was born. I’ve been catching up on my NFL reading since I’ve been back and feel that my predictions will range from decent to crap.
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